Thursday, November 19, 2009

So, how is married life!

By now, the frequency of being asked this question has subsided considerably. Isolated instances remain, coming from friends or aquaintances rediscovering me on facebook or orkut. The answer, whether abbreviated or not, depends on who asks the question. I guess this question would figure somewhere at the top, on the list of most annoying questions (another one would be, how was the weekend!). And yet i've been guilty of it too. Sometimes for genuinely wanting to know and sometimes just as filler. I consciously try to not do that now.

I used to always say to myself before i started talking to ru, that i will never whisper into a phone, i will never ask someone if he had had lunch or not, that i was not a needy person, that i can not experience unexplained moods. I don't have entirely unexplained moods, based on empirical evidence, it's just days when we haven't been able to talk to each other :) I would also always have questions in my mind about couples who chose to live in different cities because of their jobs. Well, guilty of all that, and this too. But that's how it works for us. We spend the first two days of an extended weekend together very happily, and then on the third day i fight on something trivial and we just listen to music while he drives me to the airport. But then the flight lands at Hyderabad, i call him up and then it's like nothing happened. Was never good at saying bye anyway.

So how has married life been, well its been good, but then i am yet to see it in its full glory. Feeling committed isn't as bad as it used to seem, not at all. Feeling dependent is still a scary thought.

But something that ru and i were talking about and could only define our question well enough, never got to a well-formed answer. Took us a few arguements (or maybe we should call it discussions), to get to the question itself. So, maybe you can give me some perspective on it. How do you handle a clash in beliefs. When he believes in something, and i have always held strong disbelief for it. It's not even that one of us was neutral to it till now, it's such that we strongly supported and reasoned our belief/disbelief at every opportunity we got, and not just now, since ever, with anybody who thought as strongly about it. Since i don't want you to start basing your opinions on a fixed set, like we did, i won't give you my personal examples. Choose anything. Of course it's not a life altering belief, or we would have considered it important enough in our decision to marry each other. But such a thing can be an annoyance, one that i'm not sure how to ignore. When i come across something that substantiates my theory, i am tempted to say 'SEE!'. But i don't do that, i tell myself to forget it, it's his belief and he holds it dear. Make jokes about it!, yea it's going to be funny for sometime, but not beyond that. I don't know if it'll even matter as time goes by, but for now i'm not able to come to a conclusion on it and that bothers me. So give me some gyaan!!


Anu said...

well well, welcome to married-dom I'd say! :D
Be rest assured, it happens all the time and with all married couples. You've walked this Earth for 23-25 years before you got married, for God's sake! Obviously you would've made opinions and judgements, just as he would've.
There's no secret mantra to resolve this - you talk it out, argue, fight when it comes up, but then let things be. You stick to your belifs and he to his - nobody converts - unless one is really convinced - and that's not gonna happen soon! :D
I believe the fun begins when there's a child in the picture. Then each one would want their beliefs and values to be imbibed. Well enjoy the present and the future will take care of itself, I say! :)

ferret said...

anu, so that means it's only going to get worse!! hmmm
and also that i should keep trying to convince him (i'm sure he'll give up eventually) :P

Krithika said...

First of all, you have been blogging since 2007 and I never knew! (shame on wonder Sans calls me AQ (Awareness Queen)). Anyways, I am sure by now you must have even figured the answer to this question. If you have not, then you must just agree to disagree. It is good to have different views to a topic and variety is the spice of life!

ferret said...

AQ!! good name :)
quite frankly, i don't even remember now what the topic was then :P