Friday, June 17, 2011

I am - tag

I am

..still an idealist, an optimist, a pragmatist.
..a feminist, one for equality.
..very petty and George Costanza like sometimes!

I want

..my carefree self back.
..a son, more than a daughter.
..to go on a long road trip on a bike sometime.

I have

..tremendous enthusiasm for sports.
..a comprehensive packing checklist for myself.
..a lot of animated, very real, conversations in my mind, going on most of the time.

I wish

..i wasn't as lazy.
..i had some amount of patience and perseverance to take care of my hair and skin.
..i could concentrate better.

I hate

..inconsiderate behaviour.
..making small talk, intrusive questions, the perpetual salesmen (the kind who can not stop bragging about even the most inconsequential thing)
..being part of gatherings where the men and women invariably seperate out to sit and talk of wars and hair care tips, respectively.

I fear

..ghost movies.
..old age, i really wish i would die a natural death before i start feeling old.
..not much else particularly.

I hear

..keyboards clattering for most part of my day.
..the breeze so strong these days, in the swaying trees, flapping curtains, and the shaking window panes. It's the loveliest time of the year in Hyderabad.
..Ru's constant banter at home.

I search

..my inbox for old conversations and read them sometimes.
..for an equilibrium.
..for reason in any situtation.

I wonder

..if we're supposed to grow patient with age? Because i'm going the other way!
..if i take myself too seriously sometimes.
..what goes on in the minds of babies.

I regret

..not much, and never really felt guilty for anything ever.
..the indiscipline that's become a way of life now.
..giving up the opportunity to live in a hostel during college (a little bit).

I love

..playing, swimming, being active
..lazing around is also a favorite
..looking at the moon, chocolates, solving math/logical puzzles, beaches, being out in the rain, cafes, watching sitcoms...

I always

..weigh my words.
..work on reason more than emotion.
..am up for a game.

I ache

..in my lower back all the time.
..for the impromptu meetups with friends, that living in the same city afforded.
..for simpler times.

I usually

..am sleepy all the time.
..don't plan things ahead of time.
..can't remember faces or names.

I am not

..creative.
..very comfortable saying 'No' to anybody.
..very expressive in words.

I dance

..only when drunk
..with two left feet
..completely out of rythm! :p

I sing

..along the cd in the car
..completely out of tune
..mostly when nobody's listening

I never

..can understand how people with double standards convince themselves of it.
..understood fashion. It's just not my thing.
..try too hard, push my limits. I've got everything in life too easy.

I rarely

..give a second thought to what i'm wearing or how i look.
..wake up early.
..went to class in college.

I cry

..at the drop of a hat lately.
..at movies, even the tears of joy :)
..never in front of an audience

I am not always

..the most organised.
..on time.
..strong enough to take it all.

I lose

..my cool with dad most often.
..my temper with ru most often.
..my patience with the present set of colleagues most often.

I’m confused

..about religion and god.
..about what i want from my career.
..can't think of anything else.

I need

..a new job
..to stop procrastinating
..a new laptop

I should

..cut my hair short.
..work on losing that flab.
..and get some strength into my left arm too.

I dream

..more than a normal person should, only during the waking hours though.
..of being a professor.
..very small, never thought of reaching for the moon.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Slut-walk

Posted this comment on Chandni's blog, and it was as big as a post so cross-posting here. Also gives me the much needed second post in follow-up to my last post :)

I am not in total agreement with the whole movement being imported to delhi. I’d read about the incident when it happened in Canada, and then i read about the slut walk that was organised there. The people there were clued into what brought about the slut walk. So it made sense to call it ‘slut-walk’, it was in response to that particular comment there.

Here in Delhi / India, a slut-walk is coming around without there being a context in which it was named thus, atleast for the majority so. It’s losing its effectiveness and making it sound like the word slut is being used just to make it eye-popping. The twitterati is reacting to the word (which is a shame really) and the purpose is lost in the word there.

I remember the blank noise project did a similar walk and that rang true to everybody, and i heard a lot fewer smartass remarks on it. Even the pink chaddi campaign, it came as a reaction to something that everybody saw on their tv sets, criticised it. So even with the eye-grabbing banner, these campaigns did not get over-shadowed by the banner and a word alone.

Now, i will go sit on the fence and type the rest of the comment.

Somebody mentioned in an earlier comment that, rape should not be forgiven because it leaves a mark for the rest of the life. I have a huge problem with that. How come its the victim that commits the suicide and not the rapist. Why doesn’t it leave a mark on the rapist’s life more than the victim. Why do we make sex so sacrosanct for women, that the woman who got raped thinks its the end of her life. She wouldn’t think so if she was robbed, or met with an accident say? A man turned into a beast and raped a woman, but it made more of a damage psychologically than physically. So much so that she prefers to end her life, than have to face the world after that. She’s been had, her life is over? Why is sex the ultimate badge of honor? For women alone! not for men!
Slut-walk is the perfect word for it then.

Monday, June 6, 2011

kick off

Starting June 6th - One post everyday, till the 5th of July. It's daunting alright, but who knows i might just come out victorious. Don't have a theme, or someone to give me a nudge. I will get it done by myself, hoping to! 'Think yourself strong and strong you will be' kind of philosophy. It works to a large extent i believe.

The brain can fool you into believing things, nobody is far from being schizophrenic.

And that makes me wonder now, if those who believe themselves to be strong are really the most vulnerable?

Those who laugh the most, carry the most grief within? Anger maybe? But something other than laughter.

Does it work the other way as well?

Does a tear only signify that the pain is bearable, it still hasn't reached a stage where you're only left with a smile.

Constant contradictions i've observed around me, within me at times. I guess zen is a place where it will all stop mattering, making you numb to feelings. No contradictions; there'll just be peace.
Sounds blissfull!! And that one word, telling me how distant.

Friday, June 3, 2011

Aging impatience

Things that contribute to my aging impatience

Work - has been stagnant, there have been rays of hope or let me put it as dangling carrots shown to me at regular intervals. The appraisals this time, went all up on praises in words, but nothing to show for it at the end of the month. Went and told my boss, how unhappy i was with it, but then he discussed all of his problems, corporate mumbo-jumbo as consolation to me. They show me hopes of a triple jump in position soon enough, this year, but i don't see much going in that direction.

Social life - close to zero, don't know anybody here. I've always known that i can't take too much of family, i need a good dose of friends as breathers. Yea i go out, watch movies, try out restaurants, good food, good music, travel a lot, shop at a whim, but i don't have more friends than one. And that one is sadly not enough, i'm used to having a handful. I especially miss async and H-Man.

Negativity - I don't like life events analysed microscopically, having people come and talk to me of what other people are talking, people who complain a lot, asking me personal questions, unsolicited advice, judging others, pessimism, going back and forth on the same thing un-endingly. Having all this surround me day-in day-out, all this without friends to go to!